Sanity Is Overrated
by IntoTheWilds
Summary: Just some fluffy fun...enjoy! ;)
1. The Warriors Three

DISCLAIMER: I do not own, well, any fandom that will be mentioned haha

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is just drabbles, chapters fluffy fun etc that I have been posting at random on my facebook and a friend suggested I posted it as funny chapters. So this is just random snippets of moi and my wild imagination. There will be clips of current and future ideas and just complete madness. Some come on Alice, time to go down the Rabbit hole ;)

IntoTheWilds

xxxxx

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><p><strong>Chapter One:<strong>

**The Warriors Three:**

Emza stumbled from bed and dragged a hand through her ratty red hair. Strands stuck up...well...everywhere and scrubbing sleep from her blue eyes Emza sleepily put her glasses on. Stopping outside the kitchen door with a groan, she prepared herself to be tackled by a seventy pound Rottweiler but strangely it never happened. No...she was faced with much worse. Slightly crossed eyed and still half asleep, it took Emza a moment to realise what she was seeing and when it registered the fanfiction author let out a groan, "Remy, get out!"

The Cajun who was draped over a kitchen chair, his feet in another and Maxine in heaven being petted by the man, grinned with a grin that could only be called devilish, "Aww _petit,_ why y' so mean t' dis po' Cajun?"

"It's seven fudging am Remy, get out or so help me I will feed you to Tobias."

Remy scoffed, "Dat worm? Yeah, not exactly quaking in m' boots _Cher_."

Rolling her eyes Emza turned and yelped when she found Spencer Reid of all people perched on her counter top and drinking coffee. Logan stood by the back door smoking one of his putrid cigars.

"What the hell! Is this an invasion?!"

"Sort of darlin'," Logan said with a wolfish grin pulling a deep drag before tossing the butt of his cigar, "It was Spencer's idea."

"It was not!"

"Was too!"

"Was not!"

"WAS TOO!"

"ENOUGH!" Emza bellowed hands planted on her hips. "I just want to know one simple thing, what do you want?"

The triple sinful smiles were enough to make the author shake. She didn't know how, but she knew somehow she had Jay Foret to blame for this!


	2. Plotzilla

DISCLAIMER: I do not own, well, any fandom that will be mentioned haha

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I have it as a Criminal Minds/X-Men crossover, but there will be plenty of other fandoms mentioned :D In fact if anyone wants to see a particular character in a funny situation with Emza's crazy antics, let me know!

IntoTheWilds

xxxxx

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><p><strong>Chapter Two:<strong>

**Plotzilla:**

Spencer Reid jumped a mile out of his skin when the door slammed open and Emza spilled into the living-room slamming the door behind her. With quite a bit of girlish dramatics the twenty-five year old threw herself against the oak wood like a human shield. Her red hair was mussed and sticking up all over the place, blue eyes wide and purple framed glasses askew. Spencer closed the copy of Moby Dick he was flicking through and stood slowly. Frazzled she may look, half terrified out of her mind, maybe, but there was that familiar glint in her eyes that had Spencer planting a hand on his hips and asking with a long suffering sigh, "what did you do now?"

The 'now' made Emza scowl, "and who says I did anything?"

Spencer rolled his hazel eyes, "because whenever anything happens around here, it's either you or Remy and since Remy headed out with Harry, Jasper and Derek an hour ago...I'm guessing it was you. I'll ask again...what did you do now?"

Before Emza could answer a rumble vibrated through the carpeted floor and Spencer froze his eyes dropping briefly to the ground before darting upward again. For a second the genius thought he had imagined it but not a second later another ripple moved through the floor, this one bigger than the last. "E-Emza?"

Emza chewed on her lip, "remember how you told me NEVER to ignore my plot bunnies?"

"You didn't!"

"I did."

"EMZA!"

The earth shook again and surging forward Spencer grabbed the red head yanking her away from the door and not a moment too soon. The door exploded inward, sending both to their butts with a heavy thump and when the dust cleared, dry wall evvvvverywhere, Spencer got his first look of what Emza's out of control imagination had created. A plot bunny it may have started out as, but Plotzilla it had become! Red fur, green eyes and ranging in on the size of an elephant the creature bounded into the room and dove straight for Emza. Spencer yelped and rolled but the Fanfiction author didn't quite make it and when Spencer managed to reposition himself into a crouch it was to find Emza bundled up into the gigantic bunny's arms while the creature piteously begged.  
>"Please, please, oh pleaaaaase write me! You know you want to!"<p>

God forbid Spencer would EVER have a normal day.


	3. Messing With Emza Is A No-No

DISCLAIMER: I do not own, well, any fandom that will be mentioned haha

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This was a snippet I left as a funny little review on a fic belonging to my all time favourite author SpencerRemyLvr-Seriously read his stuff it's to die for!-Anyway Warren/Angel was an ass in this fic, particularly in this chapter and this was my review. Lol So with my baby boy's blessing I'm posting it as a chapter, enjoy!

xxx

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><p><strong>Chapter Three:<strong>

**Messing With Emza Is A No-No:**

Spencer and Remy poked their heads around the corner and openly winced.

"Eh, Emza," Remy began worriedly, "Y' seen Angel at all?"

Emza tossed stock into a pot and set her cool blue stare upon them. Naturally, they winced, "Nope Rems, haven't seen bird boy."

Spencer groaned, "What did you do?"

Emza blinked innocently, and yet the fire remained behind her cerulean hues, the light noticed even behind her glasses, "I'm making chicken for din-dins, you want?"

"Mon Dieu! _Chèr_, please tell Remy y' didn't! Y' n't dat crazy are y' _femme_?!" The mutant looked positively horrified and rushing forward Spencer bravely whipped off the lid of the stew pot, hastily returning it.

"Relax Cajun; it's a real life chicken."

Emza's jaw dropped and she stopped chopping vege to look between the two, "you thought I COOKED Warren? I'm not trying to poison the house you know, and I might be a _chienne_ from time to time Dr Spencer Reid and Mr Remy LeBeau, but Lord...even I have my limits!"

Spencer and Remy's relief was short lived when an almighty holler rang out throughout the mansion.

"EMZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

The devilish pixie like woman simply grinned, "Now switching bird boy's shower gel so he ended up dying his wings pink, that's entirely different."


	4. The Serpent And The Fox

DISCLAIMER: I do not own, well, any fandom that will be mentioned haha

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Couldn't sleep and just came up with this. I find writing helps reduce my stress and in their own weird way the characters take care of us as writers, that or I'm completely out of my mind! Haha Anyway, enjoy!

IntoTheWilds

xxxx

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><p><strong>Chapter Four:<strong>

**The Serpent and The Fox:**

Emza pushed open her bedroom door and just about stopped herself from letting out an almighty scream. Her son was sleeping in the next room and there was no need to scare the four year old half to death. The red light of Tobias' tank cast an eerie glow over the bed and its occupant. Never in her life had Emza ever met a being quite like him. The confidant bastard could honestly give Remy LeBeau a run for his money because not even her favourite sexy Cajun could lounge so cat like upon her bed and nor would Remy—for fear of his life—do so buck ass fucking naked! Tossing down the fresh clothing in her hands and kicking off her boots, Emza made her way snappishly toward her wardrobe. "Loki, you've got thirty seconds to get your ass gone out of my bed."

Loki's green eyes glimmered and the clever bastard rolled onto his belly. His devilish smile grew when Emza's blue eyes followed the sharp lines of his body, lingering on his shapely backside. "Ah but the eyes say yes." Loki returned playfully.

Emza rolled those very same eyes and yanking her scrunchie from her hair, she let the wavy red and copper strands fall, rummaging for her favourite pyjama pants and t-shirt to wear to bed. "Don't you have Thor to pester? You could go irritate Jasper, Edward and Emmett either. The three of them were having a poker tournament in my kitchen last I saw them."

"Now why would I want to bore myself with the walking undead when my favourite play thing is hiding upstairs?" Loki purred watching with amusement as a shudder past through Emza.

"You would have had to have had me to call me a play thing Loki," Emza pointed out, whipping off her clothes and wriggling into her pyjamas.

"And yet you are quite happy to undress in front of me?" Loki returned highly amused.

Emza cocked an eyebrow reaching up to pluck the stud from the top of her left ear. "I stopped giving a shit when all of you saw me naked at least once! Hell, I chatted for twenty minutes with Spencer yesterday while taking a shower!"

Loki let out a rare bark of laughter his green eyes bright with mirth, "Spencer Reid, well I did not think he had it in him!"

"Ha, Spencer may be soft and innocent, but that boy-o has fire under his skin."

"I will take your word for it."

Emza rolled her eyes and closed her wardrobe door. Skirting around her bed, the woman dropped to a crouch wincing when her bad knee protested most fervently and switched off Tobias' heat lamp for the night. The dwarf boa lay coiled upon his log content, tongue flickering free from his mouth every now and again and smiling Emza awkwardly stood wincing when her kneecap cracked painfully. For a moment the limb throbbed and settled down. It was a horribly cold night and she knew by morning both her knee and back would be horribly stiff. Though her bed looked inviting—and would be more inviting once a certain Norse God was kicked out of it—Emza sighed and made her way out of the room back downstairs. She had stupidly left the joint cream in the press in the kitchen. Maxine was up and alert the second Emza stepped into the kitchen the trio of Vampires gone thank God! The Rottweiler jumped about her master's feet snuffling her big dome head against Emza's hip. Rooting through presses, Emza searched for her joint cream and froze suddenly when she caught a movement out of the corner of her eye. Her heart began to pound and keeping Maxine close to her side; the twenty-five year old grabbed the nearest kitchen knife and skulked toward the living-room door. Emza peered through the glass that was still decorated with snow men and Christmas trees for Christmas and let out a deep sigh of relief. That would at least explain why Max hadn't gone ballistic, because there intruder wasn't an intruder at all. Nudging the hefty pup toward her little niche Emza slipped into the living-room and cocked a single brow. There was no need for the light, not with the kitchen light casting a glow inward and the orange embers in the fire joining it. Shadows danced over the long lanky frame sprawled in one of her armchairs in nothing but sleep pants. Caramel skin lit up by the fire's glow and devil red and black eyes sweeping over her frumpy frame with warm amusement.

"Y'r lookin' _belle_ Emza," Remy commented lifting the cigarette in his hand and taking a deep drag before flicking the ash toward the fire, "just off t' bed?"

"Are you and Loki conspiring against me?"

"Maybe we are," Loki suddenly whispered from behind her and with a startled yelp Emza jumped a mile out of her skin. Irritated she slapped him hard across the forearm glad to see he had pulled on a pair of loose green sweat pants. Loki smiled warmly, a fact that was rare for him. "I am sorry Emza; I did not intend to startle you."

"You lot never do!" Emza snapped angrily. She was tired and they were swiftly getting on her nerves. Of course this was nothing compared to the fourth of July. Emza didn't celebrate it, but that didn't stop Tony Stark throwing a God damn party and parading around in her living-room in his Iron Man suit. Maxine still barked at him whenever he came around and don't get her started on Atem's braniac idea to let Obelisk, Ra and Slifer lose in her bloody kitchen! Remy laughed heartily but when Loki's expression fell and he looked the equivalent of a kicked puppy Emza's whole demeanour softened. "Ah shit Loki, you know I love you all, I'm just tired."

Remy moved gracefully as he ever did and wrapped an arm about Emza's waist, rubbing a hand against her hip. Emza let out a soft moan of relief when Remy's empathy washed over her, seeking out the tender patch at the base of her spine and her left knee, making the pain fade. "Y' pushed y'rself t' hard _Cher_." Remy scolded gently. "Dat must be aching pretty badly."

"All teasing aside," Loki said softly, "we just want to take care of you."

Tears pricked her eyes and Emza smiled at her boys. They irritated her, drove her bat shit crazy and if Spencer alphabetized her books one more time she was going to kill him, but she loved them all and in the arms of her favourite serpent and fox she let herself relax for the first time in weeks.


	5. Crimson Rose

DISCLAIMER: I do not own, well, any fandom that will be mentioned haha

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Here is a taste of my sequel to Ocean Born with Merman!Reid :D Just a tiny taste now my loves, but enjoy.

IntoTheWilds

xxxx

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><p><strong>Chapter Five:<strong>

**Crimson Rose:**

The song hummed through him practically making his nerves vibrate and fogged his brain. Gun shaking in his hand, blue eyes darting about Silas tried to fight off the weird feeling the music had caused. It was a man, he realised, a man was singing and his voice was nothing short of heavenly. Something clanged on his right side making Silas jump a mile out of his skin. Spinning around, gun up, he let out a sharp, "Jesus," when all he found were pipes, the red emergency lights just about making things visible. Someone was in here, he wasn't alone. Sweating profusely, heart pounding, Silas followed the tune and turning yet another corner that lead to a large packing area the man froze.

He had found the source of the song. It was a man, a stunning man with lily white skin, lengthy bronze curls and brilliant hazel eyes. He was dressed in loose fitting pants and an over-sized white tee his feet completely bare. Silas knew the youth, he had seen him the day the FBI Agents had interviewed him.

"You're that kid, Spencer."

Stopping his song the young boy turned toward Silas and smiled. On someone so young it should have been warm, carefree, but a chill ran the length of Silas' spine because he had never seen a smile so feral and that was saying something considering he liked to rape and cut up fifteen year old boys.

"Where are they Silas?" Spencer asked softly and even that was melodious. "Where are the three boys you're still holding captive?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Silas snarled, though he didn't exactly feel brave on the inside for all his bravado, this kid had seriously unnerved him. "I was cleared by the FBI!"

"Funny thing about alibis, they can be fabricated," Spencer pointed out taking a couple of steps toward him, "Me? I always know when someone's lying; it's a stench upon the skin you see."

"I did nothing to those boys!" Silas barked thoroughly freaked now.

"See," Spencer sang out cheerfully, "there's the lie, you reek of it."

Silas scowled when the boy began to hum and to his horror he began to lower his gun. It was as if something had hijacked his brain. With a jerk he tossed the gun out of his reach, though inside he was screaming in fury at his stupidity. Spencer moved with deliberate easy steps and suddenly he was there right in Silas' face. With a malicious smile a hand snapped forward and Silas yelped when he was slammed forcefully against the wall, one long fingered hand pinning him by the throat with unnatural strength and Holy God his eyes...Spencer's eyes had turned completely black, the iris, pupil and sclera was nothing but cold onyx. Spencer's skin was unnaturally frigid against his own and when a hiss escaped the youth, revealing deadly looking fanged teeth, Silas realised just how much trouble he was in.


	6. Fair Of Face

DISCLAIMER: I do not own, well, any fandom that will be mentioned haha

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Had the crappest day yesterday and last night this little scenario popped into my head and I've been smiling since. I just needed the giggle and I hope you find it amusing too! Later my flowers xx

IntoTheWilds

xxxx

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><p><strong>Chapter Six:<strong>

**Fair Of Face:**

Emza sat at the kitchen table busily scribbling in her notepad. Her hair was tied up in a messy bun, the odd coil falling into her eyes and every now and again she tucked a multi-coloured strand behind her ear. Maxine butted her head against Emza's hip every once in a while and it was fairly quiet...until a high pitched scream ripped through the house. Loki who had been reading at the other end of the table jumped a mile out of his skin and Spencer who had nodded off on the couch jerked upright dragging his bronze curls out of his face. The young genius looked thoroughly confused. Footsteps thumped overhead, moving to the staircase and smiling Emza reached for her favourite Bratz mug when the whirlwind that was Remy LeBeau exploded into the kitchen and good Lord the Cajun was seven shades of pissed.

"What in the nine?" Loki spluttered absolutely stunned before casting his green eyes toward Emza. "I am impressed; I never thought you would have such deviousness in you."

Disentangling himself from the comforter on the couch, Spencer wandered into the kitchen to see what all the fuss was about. There was nothing that could have prepared him for it and when he started to laugh Remy looked fit to kill him.

"Dis isn't funny Penny!" Remy snarled only to let out a piteous groan. "Even m' voice sounds wrong! Emza, change me back!"

"This is karma." Emza told the Cajun calmly.

"How de fuck is changing m' sex karma," Remy demanded shrilly, "I didn't mean t' blow out all de fuses, it was an accident, y' didn't have t' turn m' into a woman!" Pouting like a child Remy planted his hands—well—her hands on her hips and did her best to look menacing. "How long do I gotta stay like dis?"

"How long were my fuses out?"

Remy let out a strangled squawk red eyes widening another wee bit, "dat took a month t' fix! Emza, please, y' can't be serious?!"

In the corner Loki and Spencer shook with mirth. Remy and Emza continued to argue for several minutes and finally letting out a fierce shriek Remy spun around and stalked from the kitchen. Loki and Spencer twisted and after a beat burst out into full blown laughter. Neither one had ever seen the Cajun so pissed. Their great peals of merriment filled the house and yet weren't enough to drown out Remy's irritated cussing.

Remy stomped the whole way up the stairs and into the bedroom she shared with the other men of the house. The magic of an imagination was quite spectacular because the room appeared ten times the size inside then it did outside. Bypassing the other beds Remy made her way to the last one and flipping her messy suddenly very long hair over one slim shoulder the Cajun yanked open her wardrobe only to freeze in horror. What had that crazy bitch done?! Tearing through her clothing Remy yanked everything off its hangers and her snarl could have rivalled Logan's. Skirts, dresses, oh good Lord—LINGERIE! Emza had replaced everything she owned! It took every ounce of self restraint not to charge the wardrobe and its contents and blow them sky high.

Cursing up a storm Remy crouched and snatched up a couple of pieces of clothing. To her disgust avoiding underwear wasn't possible, nor was the bra. Stripping off the Cajun made sure NOT to look down at her newly acquired body and quickly dressed in a matching set of black lingerie, a made for her body black blouse and a black skirt. Eyeing the excuse for shoes by her bed, Remy's lip curled in annoyance. Yeah, she was sooooo going barefoot. Six inch stilettos would not make Remy exactly graceful. Grabbing a tie from her bedside table Remy gathered her hair up and pulled it all back in a messy tail. Naturally she had to catch sight of herself in the full length mirror by the door and good grief Remy cringed at the femininity. Cursing Emza to hell and back she stomped her way back downstairs and into the kitchen where apparently in the space of fifteen minutes word had spread.

"Remy!" Thor boomed in his usual boisterous way, blue eyes bright and smile warm. "You are looking rather fetching."

Remy's red on black hues narrowed to slits. If she hadn't known Thor well enough to know he was simply being friendly she would have blasted him into the middle of next week. Let's see them put a God back together if he's in several pieces. Ignoring Thor's greeting, scowling at Emza, Remy yanked out a chair and dropped into it with a heavy sigh. She was fully aware of the stares she was getting, that and the laughter still wiggling free from Loki and Spencer was enough to have Remy contemplating murder. Dragging a hand over her head and through the messy auburn tail, Remy gave a start when Tony who had been making his way toward the coffee pot let out a wolf whistle. Frowning she opened her mouth to ask him what the hell when Emza twisted and tapped her on the leg with her pen.

"A bit of advice Remy, us girlies tend to keep our legs together or crossed when sitting," Emza's grin was positively evil, "especially when wearing a skirt."

Realisation dawned on the Cajun and cheeks burning positively crimson she swiftly crossed her legs, flinching when the kitchen erupted with laughter.

It was going to be a long month.

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><p>~\.:*:.~

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><p><em>Day Fourteen:<em>

Fourteen days, Remy had been stuck like this for fourteen days now and if one more member of the house laughed at her she was going to cause them pain beyond anything. So far she managed to continue on as normal...well close to normal. Aside from the fact she kept feeling weepy at the most inane things, and the sight of her own body creeped her out, it was a relatively quiet fourteen days. Of course, she had to speak too soon.

It was a Monday morning and when Remy woke it was to a headache a serious discomfort in her abdomen and nether regions. Cramps radiated from her middle right into her backside and down into her thighs. Groaning the Cajun rolled over onto her belly and tried to get comfortable, but the pain was not letting up, if anything it was getting worse. Curling up into a tight ball Remy whimpered. Thor's hearing was remarkable, because Remy had barely made the sound when the God was across the bedroom and crouching down next to her bed. Thor had taken it upon himself to take care of Remy since her sudden transformation. At first it drove the Cajun crazy, eventually she found it sweet, if slightly annoying.

"Remy, are you alright?"

Remy wriggled about until her head was above the duvet. Thor scowled. She was entirely too pale. Her pretty face was pinched with pain and she was curled up much too stiffly. "I don't feel very good T'or." Remy admitted with a whine.

None too good with this sort of thing Thor helped Remy from bed. The young woman protested. Every movement left her feeling as if her insides were being shredded. Thor kept a tight hold about her slim waist and helped the Cajun downstairs, his blue eyes checking her every few minutes. She looked horribly ill!

"That's it Remy, just a few more feet," Thor coaxed deathly afraid she was about to collapse.

Remy was in the nine realms of hell. She felt horrible, which was odd because the Cajun rarely ever got sick and when she did, it was nothing like this. When a spasm went through her stomach muscles, Remy stumbled and groaned. Thor was tempted to scoop her up, but he doubted the fiery woman would appreciate it. Never in her life had Remy felt so terribly bad. When she finally made it to a chair she sank down into it and settled. Pain radiated through her, but for the moment she'd ignore it. Apart from Thor and Remy, the only other two in the kitchen were Garcia and Tony. Tony looked as if he was nursing a hangover from a very wild night and Garcia pottered away on her computer. Frowning, coffee in hand, Tony cast a look over Remy.

"Any particular reason Remy looks like a corpse?"

"I'm sure she's thinking the same about you Tony," Garcia snarked without looking at Tony. She cast a brief look at Remy and froze. "Jesus Remy, are you okay?"

"Do I look dat bad?" The Cajun asked miserbly, wincing when another spasm went through her middle.

Garcia swiftly abandoned her laptop and marched around the kitchen table to crouch down next to Remy. The blonde checked the woman over asking for symptoms and when Remy clutched her stomach and whimpered Garcia had a feeling she knew what the problem was. Tugging Remy to her feet, Garcia urged her from the kitchen, clucking irritably at Thor when the God tried to follow. Thor scowled like a kicked puppy and was about to ask Tony how was his night when Remy's shrill shout filled the silence.

"I'M WHAT?!"

Thor had fought many armies, Tony had gone up against an alien race, but neither man was brave enough to follow that sound. Upstairs Remy stared at Garcia mouth agape. She...She...Nope, she couldn't say it, wouldn't say it, because if she did, she would very likely blow chunks.

"It's natural Remy," Garcia told her gently, "just our curse as women."

"I'M NOT A WOMAN!" Remy shrieked her temper getting the best of her which was a surprise. What the hell was wrong with her? "Dis is just wrong, a...a period! Not even Xavier is going t' make me f'rget dat!" Cursing feverishly in French Remy stalked up and down the room ignoring the ache in her body and when Garcia scurried off to her room returning with a box of tampons the Cajun let out an enraged shriek, charged the nearby chair and blew it to splinters.

Seventeen more days, she just had to get through seventeen more days and so help her, Emza would pay!

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><p>~\.:*:.~

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><p><em>Day Sixteen:<em>

Remy sat curled up on the couch with Emza, Jane and Garcia. The four had a tub of mint chocolate chip and were watching _Charlie Saint Cloud_. Knees up to her chin, auburn hair lose down her back Remy watched in horror as Zac Efron's character reached out pleading piteously with his little brother to be okay. But he wasn't okay, he was dead. Garcia sniffled; Emza passed her the box of tissues and took one for her own face. Jane tried to hold out, but she couldn't fight the tears either and with what felt like glass in her throat Remy let out a soft sob. The box of tissues was passed to her and she took them wordlessly, settling in to watch possibly the most heartbreaking movie she had ever seen.

Remy blamed the hormones cutting through her body, ones that were amped up by her—cringe—time of the month. In her male body this wouldn't have made her cry, may have pulled at her heartstrings a little, but never make her cry. Good God, she really couldn't wait for this month to be over.

Emza watched from her side of the couch. She felt slightly bad for putting Remy through so much, but it was too late now. Once the plot bunny was free it couldn't be taken back and Remy would just have to continue the way she was. Emza was quite impressed at how well the Cajun had adapted. It would be a good learning experience for her.

And probably her funeral, but hey, things this funny came at a price. After _Charlie Saint Cloud_ just for the hell, Emza got up and popped in _Les Miserable._

If there weren't tears before, there would be now!

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><p>~\.:*:.~

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><p><em>Day Twenty-Five:<em>

Remy reached for the press door and yipped when she caught the handle wrong. Holding her hand at eye level the Cajun scowled irritably, "damn it."

"What's wrong Gumbo?" Logan asked pouring sugar into his coffee.

"Broke a nail Wolvie," Remy froze eyes widening and she let out a groan just as Logan let out a bark of laughter. These slightly feminine moments were going to kill her, "not a word Logan, not a damn word."

Patting Remy on the shoulder Logan made his way toward the kitchen table and settled down. Emza laid sprawled, Fanfiction notes all over the table. Logan shook his head at her but left her to sleep. She wouldn't appreciate being woken up. Mug in hand the feral watched Remy a moment. She was wearing heels, nothing too major, but it was amazing how graceful Remy could move in them now. Tucking an auburn lock behind her ear the lithe woman made her way toward the table and took a seat closest to the radiator. It was bitter out and Remy hated the cold.

"So, are you coming out tonight?" Logan asked taking a gulp from his mug.

Remy cringed, "de girls will only wanna dress me up like a doll Logan, I don't t'ink I should."

Logan chuckled, "who says ya gotta wear what they say Gumbo? Come on, it's the pups birthday. It'll be hard enough dragging Spencer out, never mind you, although you usually don't put up a fight."

"Usually I'm a man," Remy pointed out only to cave under Logan's scrutiny, "oh alright, I'll go. But I'm doing dis f'r Penny, otherwise I wouldn't bother."

"I guess ya could just stay home and cry through another Nicholas Sparks movie," Logan suggested slyly.

Remy's jaw dropped open, how the hell did he know that?! After a second of stunned silence her red eyes narrowed, "y' will speak of dat t' no one Wolvie if y' wanna live t' see y'r next birthday."

Laughing the feral got to his feet and plucking a cigar from his pocket he made his way out to the front door, chuckling all the way.

Like Remy predicted Garcia insisted on dressing her up. To her utter mortification privacy didn't exist when girls got ready for a night out and Garcia had no qualms about putting her hands—well—everywhere to straighten her bra, fix her breasts, make her panties shape right. By the end of it all the Cajun was fit to kill someone. Garcia put make-up on her, did her hair and stuffed her into a black dress with red embroidery. Supposedly it made her eyes pop. When they finally got downstairs to join Emza and the others every male jaw dropped and this time Remy couldn't contain her snarl, "One word from any of y' _connards_ and none of y' will ever be able t' reproduce!"

The men clammed up and the women giggled. Remy kept her mouth shut and head held high she marched out of the house intent on having a good time in spite of the less than desirable situation. Lucky for her the Gods had taken pity and by the time they had reached Don's pub, she was already laughing and having a good time. Only a few more days of this and she could finally draw up blue prints for the sweetest of payback. Don's was packed with every person imaginable from young to old. Music pounded from the speakers and the social type Remy kept to the bar while some of the others slipped to the quieter lounge. Vibrant coloured lights danced above her head, warm bodies pressed together and drink in hand Remy stood chatting with Garcia and Morgan. At Morgan's insistence Spencer was made stay with them. It was the kid's birthday and he was having fun even if it killed him. Emza stuck with them too, chatting to Atem and JJ, with baileys in hand. All in all it was a good night.

After three drinks Remy excused herself to go to the bathroom. She cringed at thought of using the women's facility but soldiered on. It was on the return trip the shit hit the fan.

"Well hello gorgeous."

Remy stopped and inwardly cringed. Twisting slightly the Cajun found a burly man swaning toward her. His blue eyes leered over her body, the idiot flexing his biceps as if that would impress her and just behind him he had a horde of fans practically jeering him on. It made her ashamed to be a man! Rolling her red and black eyes Remy started forward again. The reaction this got wasn't one she expected. A yelp escaped her when a fist bit into her hair wrapping tight and she was yanked violently back. Her boots made it hard to keep balance, but somehow she managed it, "Let me go y' _connard_!" Remy snarled twisting in his hold.

"No one refuses me," her attacker hissed.

Their antics had drawn a crowd and sadly Remy's friends weren't privy to what was going on the other side of the pub. Remy could have easily sent out a warning in a sense using her empathy, but she was no damsel in distress. Furious the Cajun twisted and the next moment her attacker was screaming in agonising pain when the auburn beauty grabbed his cock and twisted rather violently. His hand was swift to let go, too bad Remy wasn't.

"Y' dare put y'r hands on me?" She hissed angrily. "Y' got no right touchin' any woman who don't wanna be touched, y' got dat y' piece of shit?!" There was no answer, so Remy twisted a little bit harder drawing a high pitched squeal from the man. "I _said_ do y' got dat?!"

"Yes, Y-YES I got it, now let me go, for God sake!"

Remy held on a moment longer before finally letting go. The idiot dropped like a sack of shit sobbing in agony. Remy was sure she had bruised him and good enough for the mouthy bastard. With a wicked grin she pushed back through the crowd and not a single man in the place had the idiocy to try and touch her.

It turned out to be a damned good night for sure.

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><p>~\.:*:.~

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><p><em>Day Thirty-Two:<em>

Remy came too slowly and froze. It was day thirty-two. Her punishment was over with! Sitting up swiftly the Cajun yanked the covers away and let out a joyous sound when _he_ found everything back to normal! Last up Remy practically danced out of the room and downstairs to where the kitchen was overflowing with everyone getting breakfast. Emza caught sight of him and grinned. "Better?"

"F'r damn sure _petit_," Remy crowed going to the coffee pot. Eyes glimmering with wicked mirth he pointed a finger at the Fanfiction author. "But just remember Emza, payback's a bitch."


	7. When Plot Bunnies Win

DISCLAIMER: I do not own, well, any fandom that will be mentioned haha

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Short little drabble, just popped into my head lol enjoy!

IntoTheWilds

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><p><strong>Chapter Seven:<strong>

**When Plot Bunnies Win:**

Spencer froze in the kitchen doorway, his sleepy brown eyes just barely registering what he was looking at. Emza sat in a huff, Plotzilla curled about her making content sounds as the strangely now vibrant pink bunny played with a strand of the author's hair. Then it dawned on Spencer and he couldn't stop his grin. "You gave in, didn't you?"

"Shut up Spencer," Emza snarled.

Chuckling to himself, the genius went to get his first mug of coffee to start the day.


	8. If You Could See Me Now

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay here is another snippet. In fact, you may be seeing a lot of snippets because moi, SpencerRemyLvr and Eskimita are in the middle of a teaser war on facebook cause we're stark raving mad and cleaaaaaarly have nothing better to do hahaha Anywho my flowers, enjoy!

Later!

IntoTheWilds

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><p><strong>Chapter Eight:<strong>

**If You Could See Me Now:**

Spencer had never felt so closed in. His eyes were blown wide and he could hear the horrible throbbing of his heart, blood roaring in his ears. Voices called out to him and in his panic the boy could barely hear them. He just needed to get out, to get away, anywhere, where he could breathe. The New York winter struck him once he made it outside. For a youth native to Las Vegas it was unpleasant, but anything was better then back there. There where Remy could corner him, where Remy could ask something of him he couldn't give.

"Penny, Penny get y'r ass back here!"

"Leave me alone Remy!"

Like fuck he was going to leave him alone. To find out the man he had been seeing for months had been hiding something of such a magnitude had the Cajun snarling and taking the last few feet at a jog. Spencer yelped when Remy grabbed his arm and spun him around. The taller man was seven shades of pissed. Spencer had seen him angry before, of course he had, but never had the fury been directed at him.

"Is what blue said true?" Remy questioned. "Y' been hidin' from me, would y' do dat Penny?"

"Kurt has a big mouth." Spencer spat out twisting in Remy's hold. "Let go!"

Remy's face twisted his eyes bright with hurt. He didn't need Spencer to say it. He could feel it. He had lied to him. "Show me." He croaked. "Y' t'ink me a monster Cher, dat I wouldn't still love y'? Show me and I can prove y' wrong!"

Tears welling up in his expressive brown eyes, Spencer swallowed heavily. It was going to destroy everything. Spencer had been so blissfully happy. Whimpering in distress, tears frothy and hot he pulled up his sleeve. Remy didn't know how he hadn't noticed before, but the wrist unit Spencer had always worn was identical to Kurt's. It was an image inducer. Sniffling helplessly Spencer twisted the face anti-clockwise and just like that his image shimmered and changed. Remy couldn't help it. He gasped and took a full step backward red eyes widening in shock. Spencer let out a pained mewl. It was always the same. Turning he ran and Remy let him.


	9. Untitled

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay so this is a snippet of the currently in the works sequel for Darkest Night and because my brain hates me-It's now a Criminal Minds/X-Men crossover. I hold SpencerRemyLvr toooootally responsible. Anywho, enjoy my doves!

IntoTheWilds

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><p><strong>Chapter Nine:<strong>

**Untitled:**

Spencer looked between the unconscious cajun and Alistair before snarling out, "you have GOT to be kidding me!"

"Those are the orders from above, you gotta do it." Alistair responded with a shrug.

"I am not a guardian, that's your job description Alistair. Why in hell are they assigning me?" Spencer threw his hands up. "I'm an angel of death. I deal in carting souls between the worlds. Nothing else!"

" Listen kiddo. Shits going down. The world is going to hell and if these idiots actually go through with this war, neither side is gonna come out on top." Alistair jerked his head toward the still form of Remy LeBeau. "I don't know why, but that poor bastard is the world's salvation and you being the only creature who can manipulate death, keeping him alive is on you. "

Of course it was. As if his afterlife didn't suck enough! "I'll be back. " Spencer snapped before wings exploded from his back, one white, the other black and with a single beat he rose heavenward.


	10. When Day Is Night

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Another little snippet. I am taking a unique path with the OMEGA!VERSE genre. This will be a X-Men/Criminal Minds fic AU of course. There will also be no mutants...well not in the traditional marvel sense...no the mutation here is the Alpha/Omega gene, while ordinary folk are beta's. I am busy swimming through this idea and having tonnes of fun! I hope you'll like it when it's eventually posted :D**  
><strong>

IntoTheWilds

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><p><strong>Chapter Ten:<strong>

**When Day Is Night:**

Victor Creed's head lifted from the table he was chained to. The door had opened none too gently and the feline didn't bother concealing his eye roll. Seriously, did they think slamming around would make him nervous? He was an Alpha for hells sake, not a meek little Omega! Nostrils flaring the feline chuckled lightly and his vibrant green eyes found the face of another Alpha, a lupine Alpha. He was broadly built, not as big as Victor, but big. Like all Alpha and Omega's, he was covered in a layer of fur, black in colour, wolfish ears pressed flat to a head that would've been bald had he been a beta. Keen brown eyes watched Victor shrewdly, and a thick lush tail twitched in irritation. When Victor smiled it was all fangs.

"Well, well and you are sunshine?"

"Agent Derek Morgan," The Alpha returned in a clipped manner, tossing a file onto the table. "And you're in a lot of trouble."

Victor chuckled, "Like I didn't know that."

It took everything Derek had not to snarl. The wolf in him was simmering pretty close to the surface. He had very little time for a man who brutalised a defenceless Beta, just because he could. Opening up the file, Derek plucked out three images and set them down, sliding them toward Victor Creed. The feline's easy grin, made him sick to his stomach. "You know why you're here."

"Of course I do!" Victor laughed. "I hardly waltzed in for coffee! So, Agent, are you going to arrest me?"

The creep really didn't care, did he? Opening his mouth to say something, Derek's head snapped around when the door opened and like they had rehearsed Spencer stepped in. They figured the Omega would do better with the Alpha. As planned Spencer looked as nervous as he could. His golden ears were drooped, thick bushy tail tucked in between his legs and a folder clutched in his skinny arms. Neither noticed how Victor went completely rigid and when a rather inviting smell filled his sensitive nose, the feline Omega lifted his head. It was like getting struck by lightning. His very nerve endings sang and the folder fell from his arms with a heavy clatter.

"Kid," Derek yelped, startled, "Reid, are you okay?"

"N-No." Spencer whimpered backing up a step and Derek realised the kid wasn't talking to him. "Y-You can't be!"

Victor grinned in gleeful triumph. Of all the things to happen! "Oh, but I am kid. We've imprinted."

Derek's jaw dropped and his heart froze. Alphas and Omegas didn't choose their mates. They imprinted, it was the way it had always been. Spencer had imprinted on a convicted murderer and by law there was nothing they could do, Spencer was legally his. If Victor went to prison...boy genius was going with him.


	11. Remembrance Of A Demon

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Another snippet. Part of my upcoming Supernatural/Criminal Minds series :)

IntoTheWilds

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><p><strong>Chapter Eleven:<strong>

**Remembrance Of A Demon:**

"John Winchester kidnapped you!" Derek Morgan barked hands slamming down onto the hardwood table with enough force to make it tremble. "He butchered your parents and took you, how can you still protect him?"

The handcuffs were biting into his wrists, but hey, Spencer had been in worse situations. Highly amused by the Agent's supposed intimidation tactics the youth relaxed into a pose he had long ago learned off Dean. It was all arrogance and lack of fear and Profiler or not, the Agent couldn't stop the spike of annoyance flashing across his face. It made Spencer smile. They both knew exactly who was in charge, and it was the one attached to the table.

"That would be all very neat, wouldn't it Agent Morgan?" Spencer asked softly, brown eyes never leaving his face. "You forget I was in the house the night my parents died. I know exactly what killed them and John Winchester saved my life before it could hurt me."

"What, it?" Derek yanked the chair out and sat. "You talk as if it weren't human."

Spencer smiled. "I guess I do. I could tell you exactly what killed William and Diana Reid that night, but I can promise you, you'd never believe me. Now I have a question for you. Aside from the fact you are looking for my father, is there a reason I am being held? I hardly constitute buying coffee as a crime."

"John Winchester isn't your father." Derek snapped opening up the file in his arms. "He is your kidnapper and he stole you after he did this to your parents."

Spencer hadn't expected him to do it and he was glad he had seen enough over the years to school his expression. Of course the briefest of agonised looks still warped his features when Derek tossed down a pair of photos, leaving out his parent's brutal demise for all to see. Derek watched the kid pale by degrees. Out of sheer stubbornness he kept his gaze on the photos a moment longer before lifting his gaze toward Derek.

"John Winchester didn't kill my parents, or anyone else you're attempting to pin on him." Spencer told him evenly, mouth drawn into a thin line.

"And he didn't kidnap you?" Derek sneered.

"You say kidnap, I say saved," Spencer snarked irritably, shrugging one slim shoulder, "Without him, with no family I would have ended up in foster care, in overcrowded housing. At ten years old and with my certain quirks, I doubt I would have ever been adopted and in foster care there are horror stories galore. John Winchester gave me a home, brothers, so no Agent Morgan, he didn't kidnap me."

"John, Dean and Sam Winchester are on our watch list. John and Dean are up for murder. We want John more then we want Dean. There are deaths related to both, but more so to John." Derek moved to his feet, kicking the chair back. He screamed anger and alpha male. "You're here to help me find him and I can go at you all night, if I have to kid. You understand?"

The words were snarled. Everything about the Agent was to perceive dominance and intimidation. It probably worked on the regular Joe, but it would take a great deal more to make Spencer nervous. Leaning forward, Spencer splayed his hands on the table and grinned deviously. "Agent Morgan I have seen things you'd only see in your nightmares, hunted things you can't even see. I have scars from things nowhere near human. So what makes you think for, one second, you scare me?


	12. The Cajun Who Never Learns

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I love Remy, but the boy is trying my patience! Mess with my notes, hmph!

IntoTheWilds

xxx

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><p><strong>Chapter Twelve:<strong>

**The Cajun Who Never Learns:**

Remy scowled darkly. His red eyes followed Emza and the Cajun was tempted to throw something-well if he were able. With an awkward twist he grunted and looked at Spencer imploringly. "Penny?"

"Forget it Cajun, you shouldn't have annoyed her."

Snarling, Remy thumped his head back against the wall. Already revenge was forming in his head...first thing was first...getting out of the electrical tape. Something that had to be done without his powers, since Emza had cleverly taped his hands to his ass.


End file.
